Bringing In 5772

                     I realize that, ethnically, I’m half-Jewish. I also haven’t exactly been exemplary about attending services. Since I graduated college, I mostly just observe the High Holidays and find my own ways to honor my religion. But I am and always will be very proud of my Kohanic and Ashkenazi heritage. My copy of the Torah is right next to my bed and I read from it every night. My relatives were murdered in the Holocaust. And, not only was I extraordinarily involved in the Jewish community on my college campus, but I founded and became president of the first and only university-recognized women’s Jewish organization there, Nashim, despite years of strife, challenges, and prejudice from the student activities program board.

Alpha Epsilon Pi's (Jewish Fraternity) Sweethearts Night

AEPis coming out to support me my junior year at Take Back the Night, where I was a keynote speaker

The beginning of sophomore year, when I established Nashim, with co-founder, Jodi Sukonick

Making hamantashen with members of Nashim, senior year, the last year of my presidency

To this day, the most incredible and spiritual experience of my life is the time that I spent in Israel, traveling the country, learning more about myself and Jewish culture and history in such a short time than I could have imagined, and having my Bat Mitzvah in Jerusalem with all of my friends there. It still feels like yesterday when I visited the Western Wall and broke down sobbing as I slipped my scrap of paper on which I’d written a solemn and heartfelt prayer into one of the wall’s cracks. I remember what it felt like to touch my hands and forehead against its bricks as my tears slid down my cheeks.

The Wailing Western Wall

Aliyot at my Bat Mitzvah in Jerusalem

Floating in the Dead Sea with a friend while visiting Israel (right)

“As we dip our apples in honey, we pray for an additional measure of sweetness. May we continue to grow in our commitment to our faith, our people and community. May all Jews experience blessings in the year ahead, and may the world become a better place for all your children.”

L'shanah tovah tikatev v'taihatem,

Elizabeth Alida

My New Driver's License

(No, I didn't actually finally get a real driver's license. Don't blame me, I'm a D.C. girl, through and through! So, that post is to come...)

I don’t know what started it, but I’ve been practically crippled by an irrational sense of fear and anxiety almost my entire life. It applied to everything, from leaving my room and facing the real world to making huge leaps that could have resulted in a multitude of exciting successes I could be proud to have accomplished. Let’s just say, “carpé diem” was definitely not in my vocabulary. Well, except for a couple of drunken nights… Otherwise, I’ve been at the mercy of my own neuroses and general craziness for so long, they’ve become some sort of sick religion. But right now, I’m learning how to let go.

It’s time I hold myself to a standard that means something to me. Forget my dad’s expectations of me, my boyfriend’s (and DEFINITELY my mother’s) and everyone else’s. I want to be proud of myself for setting and following through with my own goals, even though I'm still finding out what they are.

I remember how, at my last job, we were required to set “objectives” for ourselves for the coming year. I didn’t draw a complete blank, but I couldn’t think of anything that had to do with real personal improvement as a professional employee, unless you count “develop at least intermediate proficiency in Microsoft Excel.”

Eventually, it occurred to me (and by eventually, I mean yesterday): being twenty-three is what you make it. And it has nothing to do with Microsoft Excel; it’s about participating in your life and playing an active role in who you are and where you’re going.

So far, I have to admit, I don’t have the best track record. I’ve been freaking out and hiding under the table with my hands over my ears, eyes closed, singing unintelligible nonsense at the top of my lungs to drown out any sense of logic or sensibility.

And don’t get me wrong; I don’t want to be someone I’m not – let’s face it, I will never be the most reasonable head in a room full of people, even if the population of that room consists of no more than three individuals (myself included). I talk the talk and I can wear Lilly Pulitzer and pearls – hell, I own not one, but two pairs of tea gloves, and my pearls almost never come off except for when I shower. Whatever…what I’m trying to say is:

Starting today, I’m going to make a commitment to myself to take the steering wheel and risk the fact that I might crash a couple, a few, um, well who knows how many times. At least I’ll be able to say I tried, instead of throwing my hands up in the air and letting the car spin out of control by itself. From now on, I’m going to enjoy the view from my very own pink glitter Barbie convertible and just learn how to keep an eye out for my blind spots. If I try, I will learn. This, I know. I will get to wherever it is I want to go, but not if I don’t try.

For years, I’ve wanted to write and publish a book, perhaps a collection of vignettes. I want to continue getting better and better at playing the violin until I’m back to virtuoso level again, and even then I won’t stop there. I know I’m ripping this off from somewhere, but life is about the constant improvement of oneself. Is it so hard to try? Is it really so hard to get back up if you fall? Believe me, I’ve taken epic tumbles. And I mean epic. We won’t get into those…for now, at least. The point is: I’m still here. And I think it’s time I formally introduce myself to the world and make sure I leave one hell of a footprint.

With my favorite stilettos, of course... (Manolo Blahnik black patent leather Mary Janes, courtesy of my wonderful boyfriend, Kevin)

The Importance of Quilting

Another Monday. I’m still getting accustomed to the fact that I don’t have a job to go to, but at least I didn’t wake up crying. That happens more often than I’d like…

In honor of National Panhellenic Conference Inc.'s International Badge Day, I’m proudly wearing my Alpha Phi badge on my cotton “Sleepless in Seattle” sleep tee. This is definitely not “badgewear” (for those not in the know, this is sorority terminology for wearing uncomfortable, classy, and conservative ensembles).

I stayed up late last night applying to four or five Editorial Assistant-type jobs. I’ve already scored a phone interview with H_____ for an awesome position that, if anything, I’m likely overqualified for. They called and e-mailed within a day of my submitting my resume and cover letter which, I hope, is a good sign. Now to remember the script I have worked out about how to frame the whole firing thing… “It was a personality conflict” is the main point I’m going to drive home. Plus my old company isn’t looking for anyone to fill my position. Can we say “layoff”? Except they laid me off in a way that they knew would be most damaging, both to my psyche and my reputation. Apparently, consistently outstanding work wasn’t good enough for my supervisor (who, by the way, was too cowardly to even attend the meeting in which I was told I was being “terminated” and left early so as to avoid seeing me after the fact – class act). I have decided working for a woman is almost always, without fail, a toxic situation.

But nevermind the past, despite how fresh it is in my memory. How am I coping, you ask? LIVING IT UP. Yes, I’m applying to every job I can, but I finally have the chance to do all of the things I’ve been wanting to do for so long but couldn’t before because of time constraints and/or the undue stress my old job caused. So I’m partying up in New York City this weekend with one of my best and oldest friends, Marlena, before heading out to Costa Rica toward the end of the month. I have half a mind to send my old supervisor a post card of all the lush flora and fauna that comprises the scenery in Costa Rica. Maybe it would read something like…actually, on second thought, I’ll just keep those sentiments to myself…

What have I learned in the past week and a half (give or take a couple days) of being fired and unemployed? Life actually does go on, whether you want it to or not. Cliché? Maybe. But true nonetheless. It’s your choice whether or not you want to keep up with it.

Do whatever comes to mind. Paint. Take up quilting. Even if you suck at it. In fact, I’m greatly enjoying doing an inordinate amount of things I know I’m no good at. Cooking, experimenting with wild shades of eyeshadow, um…blogging! I’m also getting back to my old, artistic roots by taking violin lessons again, as well as sketching and using pastels.

As Michel de Montaigne famously said, “There are defeats more triumphant than victories.” Every day, something, no matter how small it is, reveals itself to me to prove that this is indeed true.